MinnesotaTwins1

Monday Morning Nurse’s house  Enter: Nurse N: Jesu Maria! Paris doth love Juliet but Juliet doth love Romeo! Enter: Paris P: Hello, doth the sun shine so brite, my love for Juliet is too hot. N: I cannot thinketh of a way to tell you this news. P: Madam, ay me, what news? N: Romeo, Montague’s son, is in love with Juliet. P: But I, Paris, will marry the fair Juliet this Thursday. N: But, the Friar already married Romeo and Juliet. P: Doth Lady Capulet know’st about this marrige? N: No, Lady Capulet needs not to know of this “confusion”. P: I will tell Lady Capulet that there are some baleful things going on between Romeo and Juliet. N: No! [//Aside//] I knew I should’ve kept my mouth shut. P: The only way you can get me to keep my mouth shut is to do something for me. N: Scratching could not make it worse an 'twere such a face as yours were. P: 'Tis either the easy or hard way N: Alas, how about a different woman but just as fair? P: What is her name? N: Rosaline. Paris: I can be secret as a dumb man.  [Exeunt] Boston_Red_Sox:

Line 6: Thursday should be capitalized. Also, you used "But" both in the line below it as well. Maybe replace it with "Alas!" or another interjection. Line 8: Marriage should not be capitalized. The use of quotation marks is a little confusing, because i feel like somebody else is saying that. Line 10: Maybe switch Capulets with Juliet and Montagues with Romeo? Because they are always fighting among themselves (enemies,) but it works either way. Line 11: Aside should be in italics. Last Line: Paris has yet to meet this girl? How could he agree with giving up on Juliet (who he LOVES) and going for another girl?

Side Comment: I feel like "Fine" and "Thanks" are not really in the mood, or what they would say during that time period.

COMMENT: It might be cool for Paris to go and meet Rosaline and they talk... but he CANT have her because she is a sworn virgin. I just feel like Paris really loves Juliet and i don't think he would give up on her that easily. Plus, it is a little on the short side, so maybe by adding this additional scene it would make it longer.

Really good writing though, i feel like I'm reading the actual play by your use of Shakessperian Vocab like thinketh and Jesu Maria! Love the idea as well, its totally something that Nurse would do because she loves to gossip and she could just let it slip!

TorontoBlueJays

I also think this is really good. The vocab is great too. One thing is I had a hard time understanding line 13. It might be just me, but its Nurse's line starting with "scratching". You should try putting this into pentameter. That would make this all the more Shakespearean.

NewYorkYankss

I Liked it! But to make it better, I think that Paris should have more of a reaction when he finds out that Juliet is already married. It would be good to expand on that part. i really liked the last line also.